Open Enrollment 5/17/2-17

Today I sat and pondered the words open enrollment.
We do this every year at work, and in all my work history I never had a change.  I always kept the same coverage, the same old same,...until this year. This year I had to change the very thing that I thought I would never have to, my beneficiaries.
4 months ago on Jan 23,2017 my baby boy Ben went home to be with the Lord.  I say baby boy only because he was the youngest, and at 29 he was still my baby boy.  So today when open enrollment happened it was with great sadness that I had to remove his name.
I really felt numb at this task,
I made sure that my oldest son was listed as 50% and sent the info to him.  I want to make sure that he and his beautiful family are taken care of to the best of my ability. Dan will get 50% and Cory will get 50%, but I still wish it was split 30/30//31.
So as I pondered the words open enrollment, I thought of Ben's own open enrollment.  I say open because heaven was very much open to that precious young man. He fought the monkey on his back and that monkeys name, Heroin, was very much the devil.  Even in his depths of hell, he loved the Lord, he witnessed to everyone.  He even lost his bible at work as he carried it and had bible study and talks with others on the job site.  He taught me so much about God and any question I had he could point me to the right scripture.  At one point we had this thing where daily we would read a verse and call each other to discuss it.  As his addiction became worse, those calls slipped away and more often than not, we would argue about his lifestyle. I bore the brunt many times of his hatred toward the disease of addiction, and I would gladly do it again, if he were here.
But open enrollment is open to all of us, any day we choose to give our life to God.  Ben did so when he was saved and he was a good person living mostly the way God would want him to.  He was there to lift a helping hand.  It was that helping hand that brought him to this.  He thought he could save someone, and instead found he couldn't even save himself from it.
His open enrollment is one that I would gladly choose any day.  For God is there with open arms. Ben no longer hurts, the monkey is gone, Ben never feared rejection when he witnessed, such as I often did.
Now I will witness to the beauty of Gods love. I no longer fear death, as Ben taught me there is a beauty in the release of it all.  I am open to God's loving arms.  Ben was never afraid of dying,
He was only afraid of living.  RIP baby boy....There is hope and I love and miss you dearly, but I will see you again, and I am not afraid.

I have no idea!

I am learning this blog thing so hang with me while I learn..
This is a page I dedicate to my youngest son, Ben who passed into God's loving arms Jan, 2017.
I miss him daily, but I am learning daily too.
I have been profoundly changed by his death, and this blog is to document the journey into discovering me again!
Stay Tuned!